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Title: four(a)
Category: General
Blog Entry: my boss calls me the other day and she tells me to go to a banquet at work b/c she was detained(seattle) for a conference and she thought i would benefit,"it would be good for you..," she says. ok i'm excited and thankful she asked ME out of all her employees to attend so i'm quite eager. but at the same time very apprehensive. in fact growing more and more apprehensive as the day closes nearer and nearer. and by the end of the day i was ready to withdraw and make up a reason not to go. i realized with severe intensity that i would be attending alone. this is unacceptable for many reasons, lets explore a few shall we?[br] [b]1)[/b]well i am incapable of interacting and successfully maintaining a relationship with a person of the opposite sex,[br] [b]2)[/b]when i was rsvp-ing i was asked if there would be a "plus 1" and like the idiot i am i said no--quite sternly. in fact i said it in such a way that was accusatory...like.."ma'am of course not,are you implying...(insert word here)?!?" i'm sick, i know. so in a hurried fashion i say no...i will be attending alone and i felt the need to tell her i was happy with that. and then i marinated on the thought.[br] what exactly does that entail..alone? completely? but i don't want to be alone...in public,with co-workers,old and quite jubilantly coupled up couples. i was plagued by these thoughts more and more all day,and i have to say when placed under pressure its amazing how much one is capable of:for example i had a great, eco-friendly, suicide plan-complete with a note so beautifully constructed it would definitely guarantee my legacy; a cult following even like kurt cobain or something..or some thing? finally i said f$ck it lets just get this over with. i was told that our new director would be present so i hoped she would tolerate this "kid" for a couple of hours. i prayed and prayed to, seemingly, no avail.[br] i get there...already i'm placed in a position of inferiority because i feel out of place so i become quite stand-offish(some might mistake this for snobbery and you would be correct)..but i still made an effort to hint a smile..underneath the surface..deep, deep under the surface. i was approached by a gentleman who was "enamored" by my "beautiful features" and we talked briefly and he filled me in on the event and its significance. then as quickly as he appeared he leaves me b/c his stupid mother is somehow more important than me..pshhh.[br] so i sit and sit some more. i am approached by a beautiful black woman who just so happens to be a doctor. we converse quite unimportantly,she too takes a shot at my ethnicity (which i have learned is usually a crowed favorite on most given nights but more so tonight..much much more so). she guessed on the first try. great. move along lady.[br] finally the time comes to start the event(i wasn't sure if i was glad or nervous beyond comprehension,the latter i think), i begin to pick myself up slowly,all the while reassuring myself that i was not going to pass out from nervousness...stay strong i chant mentally,to myself. and i decided to look for the director and she is walking towards the banquet hall(which is not in my general direction) with what seems like a small village of smiling, cheerful faces...ugh. not only am i insufficiently inadequate i have to be subjected to these people and their happy faces..god help me. i smile and i walk towards her and she, as pleasant as can be, hugs me and greets me so kindly i am immediately at ease. i sigh a sigh of relief and thank the lord.[br] the food arrives. there is a big piece of animal flesh(read:not vegetarian friendly) atop what looks like delicious wild rice and steamed vegetables..i'm immediately disgusted and i quickly recoil back to that stage of inadequate mental abuse i was putting myself through..so i decided i could either sit there and seem even more uncomfortable b/c body language is a clear and definite indication of how someone is feeling or i could eat around the piece of flesh, nibble on a carrot and avoid the broccoli altogether b/c god only know what could happen. i would walk around and unbeknownst to me have a small bushel of broccoli growing out of my mouth..that's just death. the event comes to a close and i, for reasons unknown to even me get a head start and say goodbye to everyone and begin to leave,of course i didn't want to say bye i just wanted to get out of the auditorium as quickly as possible, and as i am fleeing(quite literally) who do i notice but mr. x..whom i just found out last week is called "bernard." needless to say upon hearing his name i almost had an experience that exceeds human comprehension. like it was THE breakthrough for cancer or something equally noble peace prize worthy.[br] so who else do i see but him, bernard, tucked away to the side...im shocked. i am shocked into silence. i make a mad dash for the exit as he approaches the small, smiling village that is my table(expletive,expletive,expletive).... (to be continued)[br] [br][b]-lurker,master the stillness[/b][br]